Sunday, 30 October 2011


I find it difficult to comprehend why many want to control the lives of others which of course include telling them who to love or not love. Do we ever stop to wonder why we assume that heterosexual love is the only right love? What does it matter who we love or decide to have sex with so far it is a consensual adult relationship? How much are we conditioned by society, family, religious beliefs, media etc when choosing a partner? How much of our relationship preferences are learned behaviour?

I am bisexual, I am physically and emotionally attracted to a man, a woman or any other self identified gender type. Why is it so difficult to have a relationship not premeditated on gender roles? Even when in a same sex relationship, I am often asked the annoying question “who is the husband or wife?” Must relationship be based on husband/wife dichotomy which often means gender stereotypes?  Methinks not.

I want to be myself in any relationship and expect my partner to be himself or herself, I do not want roles , I just want to be me. I do not want to be a husband or a wife; I just want to be a loving partner. My ex hated that word "partner", she felt it was too businesslike, but well, I want an emotional / physical partnership, and for a partnership you sure need a partner.

It is so difficult sometimes to get this message across. The society has already conditioned us to believe in gender roles. A man believes he is the head of the family and his relationships, he takes it for granted that his female lover is at his service. Unless the woman asserts herself by discussing and redefining the “normal” rules, the default rules prevail.  It is indeed annoying how some self identified “progressive men” act as if they deserved a pat on the back for conceding that women have equal rights in a relationship. That shouldn’t be extraordinary; it is supposed to be the default mode!

Same sex relationships aren’t spared from this problem. I am always disappointed when a prospective date started by asking if I am the man in a relationship or the woman, translation: what is your gender role in a relationship? Grrrr…I do not need a gender role!

 I do look forward to having a great relationship with someone who is not constrained by gender roles. Yes, I want a genderless love or at least a genderless relationship, is that too much to ask?

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